highlights

• i can feel myself growing older. not old as in haggard and crotchety; maybe more independent and self-reliant. also a whole lot less cocky. at the university of florida, i spoke with one of the graduate students about their forensic program. he was quite cocky and scared the crap out of me. having a superiority complex in academia will get you nowhere fast. recently, i received some pretty awesome advice that i'm attempting to live by: to observe other people's behavior and then extract their negative behaviors from my personality. it's been rather enlightening. thanks, amanda.

• i've enjoyed the solitude of cullowhee since i've gotten back from florida, and regretted and almost loathed returning to asheville when i have. i'm craving anonymity. it's strange. i recall that i didn't feel comfortable in social situations unless i was the center of attention; i'm a tad embarrassed by my past behavior, because it was kind of whore-ish, but it was my own, so fuck you, naysayers. now i rather not even bother to go out. shows have gotten trite. i could care less about the regulars in the scene. most of them are wasted scumbags anyways. they get drunk and try to proposition me. gross. or ruin the show with their drunken antics. and the majority of the time, the only thing i have in common with them is music taste. those conversations last approximately 5 minutes before i'm bored.

• i can't even imagine being in a relationship right now or even in the near future. for the most part, i've found, men are typically the same - very boring. the few that i hold dear to my heart are the ones that can hold an intelligent conversation and, more importantly, read. it's hard to find people who read, and the ones that do are more than likely female. adventure is key too. if you sit on your ass all day and only go outside with the intention of barhopping, that's incredibly boring. get a life. cleanliness! come on. pick up your shit and throw things away.

• i'm beginning to cherish my friendships with other women. for the most part, my only close friends have been male, and i had a hard time getting along with other women. possibly because i have always assumed that women have an ulterior motive for friendships, but that's partially true for the majority of humanity. i think now my female friends might outnumber my male friends. i presume it's because the party hasn't ended yet for them and it has for me. i've got better things to do with my time than waste it away drinking.

there are a handful of people i do miss though, but it's not like i see them on a regular basis anyways. so, to those of you out there that know of the existence of this blog (i.e. the few that i give a fuck about): i miss you. and as much of a loner as i tend to be, i'm kind of tired of only talking to dead things and rearranging my apartment.